If It Matters
by The Lady Avaritia
Summary: Matt doesn't want to be L. Gen. Angst. Contains ideologically sensitive material.


**Title: If It Matters**

**Rating: T**  
><strong>Spoilers: G<strong>eneral

**Characters**: Matt/Mello

**Summary: Matt doesn't want to be L. Gen. Angst.**

**Disclaimer: **disclaimed

**Author: **_Lady Avaritia_

Only those who are truly shallow believe they can change the world. I am not shallow. That being said, I suppose I should introduce myself. My name is Matt. This is the name I went by, and the one I am remembered by. Nobody alive remembers my real name. If I cared, I'd be sad. However, I'm not the only one.

Us, Whammy's children, the gifted misfits with incredible brain power… well, most of us come and go like that, shooting stars that leave a short-lived burning trail. Few are ever remembered. B, because he failed, Near, because he succeeded, Mello, because he challenged. Me? Quite frankly, I'm not sure why anyone would remember me. Well, except for that girl with the pigtails who seemed to have a crush on me or something. Whatever.

Do you want to know a secret?

I am smart. No, I'm not fucking with you. it is my secret. My biggest one, probably. I know what you're' thinking. _He was n Whammy's so duh, of course he's smart_. You don't get it. I am _smart_, smart as in, smart enough to beat Near, smart enough to beat Mello, smart enough to be L.

Okay… Now you're wondering why I didn't do just that. There's two reasons.

First, I love Mello. Like literally love him, all Edward and Bella style, except without the baby crap. And Mello wants to be L. And if he wants that, then I'm not going to stand in his way. Instead, I support him, and help him study, and badmouth Near (who certainly had some way of getting the test answers before hand and that's how he always good his higher scores, I kid you not).

Second, well, I don't want to. and if Mello could see this now, he'd whack me on the head and call me a blasphemous heretic (heh, long words). And I'd deserve it. Every child at Whammy's wants to be L. Not me. See, following the statement at the beginning of this narrative, I'll let you know… the children at Whammy's, like all children are shallow. L is shallow. Because they think they can make a difference. They think that if they work their hardest they'll rid the world of corruption and save humanity from itself?

A news flash: they all fail.

How can you save humanity if you remove it's very root, and rip its core out. Corruption is essentially that which keeps the world going. Imagine a perfect universe of good, and peace and no crime… Done? Okay. Do you see what I'm talking about? It's horrible. Plain, boring, and … and, no people, just no!

You can't change the world. I can't change the world. Moreover, we can't save it. Because it doesn't want to be saved. That's the big idea that Kira, L and everyone else failed to see. This world, swarming with the warms of decadence does not want to be saved from it's sinking. People don't want to escape the era of identity loss, and moral degradation. They want to stay right where they are, in the here and now, and watch their dreams of a better tomorrow decompose faster than a corpse in the summer heat of the Nevada desert. The idea of a peaceful future is appealing in the sense that it's impossible.

Beautiful.

See, did I drive my point home? I am not shallow. I think it might be my most fatal flaw. Well, that and cigarettes. Did you know that if you smoke you can get lung cancer and DIE? ( Yes, I was being sarcastic. Pardon my dark sense of humor.)

I do not want to be L. Because, quite frankly, I think he _knows_. He knows how useless it all is, and how little difference it makes in the big picture. And I think… I think it's killing him.

That's why no one from Whammy will surpass him. the successors are too ignorant to realize what I know, what L knows and what Beyond Birthday knew. And when they realize it…it crushes them. Like it crushed A, and like it will undoubtedly crush Near, should the realization ever hit him.

Actually… I hope it does, for Mello's sake.


End file.
